Out on my own [completely]

So I began my summer journey in a car ride to the BNA in Nashville. So said the weather man that week, that there would be a record breaking high of 97 degrees in Tennessee on May 31st. And so it was (suuuppper hot). After checking in my luggage, saying good bye to my dad, waiting in line for security and finally getting on the plane itself, the plane's power goes out...twice. haha What a great omen for the trip. (spoiler alert)::the trip ended up going by fine once we were in the air lol. So as compliments of Frontier airline, everyone on the plane got to watch the direct tv channels for free for the whole ride, boo-ya. This plane took me to Denver, CO where I had to run from concourse A to concourse B in order to make my next flight (since we had been delayed from the last one). Within 20 minutes it seemed, we were loading the plane and preparing for take off. This flight was of course shorter since I wan't trying to span the whole length of the U.S. My plane arrived in Bozeman around 8:15 and I came to find out that my suitcase had been left in Denver! :/ So with nothing I could do, I called a taxi and rode on in to Bozeman to check into the Western Heritage Inn. (Thankfully my luggage was delivered the next day). Exhausted from my trip, I settled into my bed and fell asleep (after skyping my parents of course).

The next morning I got up early in order to catch Bozeman's free public transport system (the streamline buses) and to ride it to Montana State University, where I would be taking a campus tour. My tour guide just so happened to be an art student too, so we got along well. After my tour, I rode the bus to the Museum of the Rockies and looked at the cool exhibits they had (like the dinosaur one curated by Jack Horner, the paleontologist for Jurassic Park).

After the museum, I skipped over to Sola Cafe and had a delicious lunch. :) From there I walked back to my hotel via a trail. Bozeman is nifty for having parks and trails scattered throughout the city limits, which is called from "Main Street to the Mountains."

I walked into town and grabbed a few necessities and then trekked back to my hotel and chilled in my room for the remainder of the night. The next morning I got up at 5:30 in order to get ready, pack up, check out and walk across the street to the greyhound bus-stop where the Yellowstone bus would pick me up and take me to check in.
While waiting there, I met a very nice girl from Wisconsin, Jessica, and it just so happened we were to work in the same place!! What a coincidence lol. We hopped on the bus, where we were taken to Gardiner to check in, find our place of work (which had been changed), grab out uniforms then jump back on the bus to head to Mammoth Springs for lunch and orientation. Being cafeteria food, lunch was decent lol and the orientation only lasted a little while. Afterward we jumped back on the bus to be taken to our locations.

Jessica and I would be rooming together at Laurel Inn and would work in the Old Faithful Inn rather than the snow lodge. The dorm we are staying in is a 2 story co-ed dorm (literally co-ed where our neighbors are guys and girls lol..). The people here are pretty cool but definitely partiers lol It feels just like a college dorm so hopefully the transition will go well. Tomorrow we start training for our jobs so hopefully that will go well too!

Beauty in the Night Sky

The night air on February 24th was wonderful as I walked back from my painting class in Todd. The temperature was perfect outside, not chilly, not humid, but a balmy blanket of comfort. Coupled with the wind that was blowing in from the West, the air itself was in perfection. It was like the few minutes before a Florida thunderstorm where the air is preparing for the impact of a storm. Even the smell in the air reminded me of the summers I’ve been in Florida where the thunderstorms down there are a sight to see and experience. Although most of the day had been spent with an overcast sky looming overhead, all of the clouds had been cleared from the night sky by the wind. The few clouds that slipped through the night air were a perfect shade of greys, purples and deep blues set against a beautiful black sky that was dotted with an innumerable amount of stars. Looking at this sky through the barren trees of Peck Forest gave my walk back to the dorm a sense of being in an enchanted forest making my way back home. Seeing the stars through the clouds made me yearn to travel into space. I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut; even now, it would be amazing if I had the chance to fly into the black expanse that surrounds this world. Traveling into the unknown like that would be an out of body experience that nothing would ever compare to in my life. The freedom to move, unrestrained by any worldly boundaries, fuels my desire to place myself among the stars. “To travel to the furthest reaches of the galaxy” is something I would love to accomplish. The whole essence of the night of February 24th made me feel absolutely alive and awake to the world around me and how beautiful it truly is. Nature is one of the most wonderful things that God ever gave us, and I love experiencing little moments like this, as I stand right in the center of it. In His presence, seeing His beauty all around me.

Psalm 11:3

"When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?"

My laziness in getting up this morning to attend a church here in Murfreesboro allowed me to stay in my room and watch a podcast of a sermon from Faith Promise church back in Knoxville. Granted, I was not able to enjoy singing praises of worship to my Father before listening to a sermon, but while writing this, I am listening to some wonderful music that sings His praises. The sermon's title was "The View: The Failing Family," and over the next few weeks, the theme will be God's view on what is happening with the world right now. I love how God ties instances in our lives together and weaves my days together. Watching "The Failing Family" sermon came after a group discussion of problems that we face today that I attended last night in my dorm. Now, to clarify: this meeting was not an AA meeting in any sense, but the event was called "V-day" (and not relating to Valentines day, but the V stood for vagina). As rash as it might seem to use this word to name an event or even to talk about casually, the ideas and opinions discussed last night among friends and strangers helped each and every one of us who attended. V-day is meant to raise awareness about abuse and mistreatment of women not just in our society but those all around the world. However, this discussion also allows for men to get involved and talk about their opinions too (this is not a femi-nazi extremist group session by all means haha).

Now to explain why this morning's sermon and my group discussion last night tied together. Last night we did an activity where our host of the event had us stand on one side of a line, and when she asked a question, we were to step across the line if the answer to that question was a yes for us. However, if we felt uncomfortable in answering, we did not have to make a move. This activity allowed us to be open with no need for an explanation. And we saw how many people actually have gone through the same life events as us even though we thought we were always alone. At the beginning, the questions were easy. As the activity continued, the issues became more personal, brought up more memories, hurts were seen, and vulnerability was at its peak. Whether or not we were friends with people at the beginning of the night; by the end, we were all close in some way because we had been revealed, seen with no hate or judgment.

Late in the activity, the questions greatly focused on family and how we had been hurt by them or had been affected in a positive manner by them. The greater number of those in attendance had family problems, of which I will not disclose but know that they are problems that are so prominent in our society that everyone knows they are happening. Then why does no one do anything about them? Why do they keep happening? Why aren't there a majority of wonderful, close families out there? Yes, nothing is going to be always perfect, but why can't things be good most of the time?

Seeing those hurt by the ones that should be the closest to them hurt my heart. I take great pride in my family, and I have strong family values. These are the people that should build you up when everyone else is tearing you down. Where unconditional love is learned, felt, and acted out every day. When I see that people never experienced what I have, I hurt for them. They deserved it but never received it. I wish that everyone, strangers or friends, could know the unconditional family love that I have felt all of my life. The family is a unit that should never be torn to pieces, yet that has what has happened today.

"The Failing Family" talked about the family unit, what it should be like but how it actually is. The family is a foundation (Psalm 11:3), but when it is destroyed, who can rebuild it? (Only God.) The definition of family has become skewed and changed over time. The intended version: created by the God who created the whole concept comes from Genesis, the very first book of the Bible and where the creation of the world is seen. Genesis 2:24, a man is to leave his father and mother and become united with a woman to create a family. Adam and Eve were told to populate the earth. Husbands and wives were meant to have children, to create families of their own. And yet, families everywhere are broken, incomplete, not what was intended. Earth is Eden un-intended. Everything was meant to be perfect, beautiful, without the tiniest flaw. It was ruined, destroyed, and murdered. All by the one who hates us, who hates God, who hates anything beautiful. To be God was Satan's desire, and when denied that "privilege," he threw a child temper-tantrum. He vowed to hate what God loved, destroy what God created, twist what God said was right. He destroyed the family unit from the very beginning. That foundation meant to bring life was torn just was it was beginning to bloom. And now years and years later that hatred for us has only continued; Satan never finished. He works daily to counteract the wonders of God. If he can destroy the foundation, the house built on that foundation will crumble in time.

And yes, I know that this world, us, and our hearts can not be fully fixed or healed until God returns for us. It is a disparity we have to live with...unfortunately. However, the silver lining can always be found, no matter how dark a cloud may be or how deep that sliver of light is hiding. We can work through the trials in our lives; we have the ability to help others who have faced the same things we have. We must care, because most of the world doesn't. For the time being, we can make things better. Our works might be destroyed again, but that is why we were not made to be alone. Many is better than one. We were made for each other. Eve was made for Adam. They were to help each other, build the other up, give life to the other. God breathed life itself into Adam; what people don't realize today is that God still has breath left to give. If we feel alone, defeated, or lost, God is waiting to breathe life into our bodies once more. He wants to see us flourish, to accomplish amazing feats in our lives.

But it is our choice. We have to ask. He will not force anything on us. If we want life; we have to ask. Simple enough, yet that request is so difficult to leave our lips. We have to clear that hurtle. Keep running until we reach the finish (no matter how far that might be). Hope is living in the world; people just have to grasp it. Believe that there is something better out there. Believe that with your whole being, and guess what? You will find it.

So don't give up...please don't.

It's been a while...

Time has been pretty much none existent for me the past couple of weeks- especially this past week where the only "rest" I had was about 6-7 hours of sleep each night and where I was up from 6am to 11pm most days... So yeah, time for writing on here had to be put aside, but even with the homework that I have to do tonight, I thought I would speak for a bit.

To start off, the last church I went to was New Vision Baptist, three Sundays ago.. So no new updates on churches for the past two weeks, but I will talk about my experience at N.V. since I have not written about that yet.

I really enjoyed my Sunday morning being at this church. It reminded me of my parent's church back home, Faith Promise. It was a very young church, contemporary, concert like worship, and..a smoke machine, which I think gives a cool ambiance to the room but always wondered the necessity of the contraption.. Anyways, this Sunday I actually went to church with a few friends from campus. We arrived at N.V. about 15 minutes before the service started (which apparently one should be there about 30 minutes early to get a seat.) From the outside, the church looks huge, but the actual sanctuary is not that big and only accommodates a certain amount of people. Fortunately, we found enough seats for the 5 of us..on the front row. We started out the service with song worship, something I always love getting into. Afterward, one of the preachers made a few announcements, and then the head preacher came up and finished up the series which had started 2 weeks ago called, "Hello. My name is Satan."

Basically, the series was about the different and not obvious reasons that the devil can gain a foothold in our lives. This week's session focused on how to protect against his advance by putting on the armor of God. Of course being in a church all my life, I had heard this part of the Bible preached on numerous times, but there were quite a few new things that I learned that Sunday.

After, he was done with the sermon, the middle school pastor came on stage and gave a few more announcements. An offering was taken and with a prayer, the service ended. Upon leaving the sanctuary, my friends and I went to the college room and had lunch, which the church provides for the students every Sunday after the first service. Being sub-sandwiches, it was quite yummy. My friends and I along with a few new faces at the table we sat at had some good conversations. Once the lunch was over, we went back to campus and I continued on with my day.

The service at New Vision gave me a couple of things to think about and how I need to always protect myself from being exposed to the devil and anything that he might try to do to harm me. Of course, I know that there are certain things that he cannot do because I am a child of God and am protected by my Father, but satan does have the power to oppress me. And I need to pray for the power to resist him through my God. The past week and I'm sure the next few will be stressful to me, but I need to not let myself become depressed or down because then I will be at my weakest and where the devil can place his attack on me. I need God in this time (as in every season of my life), or I know I will become bogged down with too much on my mind and body. Life is stressful; God wants to make it stress-free. He can. I'm sure of it.

Church #1 (such a simple title...but it will do :/)

So yesterday I attended a nondenominational church called "Destiny Center." I have driven past this church multiple times on my daily outings in Murfreesboro and also whenever I leave or re-enter town. I chose this as one of my church to attend because I am always skeptical when a pastor puts their face on their church sign. I have nothing against churches who have more than the word "church" in their name, but I am uneasy when a person's face is placed on the sign. The church body is made up of many people who are to grow together toward God, and their focus is to be placed on God and reaching those that do not know about Him. I think that if a church is noted for the pastor's face and nothing else, then there is something wrong. There is too much focus on that one person. I'm not the final authority on saying if that is wrong or not, but I just don't think it is the right thing to do. But a little on the background of the pastor-S-. It is an African-American couple, the church members themselves are predominantly African-American (and I was one of three white people who were in the service on Sunday). (The pastors)They are a married duo, the husband a retired basketball player, the wife a model and speaker. Both apparently preach at the church; however, the husband was the only one to lead the service on the Sunday I attended. They both are gospel musicians, and are quite popular I believe in that scene. They are a nice looking couple....but I don't think that their faces need to be on the church sign outside.

The service I attended started at 10am like it does every Sunday because, for them, it is the only Sunday morning service. Going in, I thought that it would last about an hour or and hour and a half, like most services I had been to.... No. It lasted 3 hours- the longest service I've ever attended, and I'm not saying that it was bad because it lasted so long...I'm just simply stating that it lasted a whole long time, haha. The service began with a deacon coming up and leading the few people who were there (most showed up after the prayer time, and the place was pretty packed by the end of the service) in prayer. Now most people I have heard pray will usually repeat one word over and over again throughout the prayer like "God" or "Jesus" or "Father". This man's word was "hallelujah." However, I think he said it more than anyone ever before in one prayer. Every time I thought he was about to end when he said "dear Jesus" he would start up another section of his prayer and pray about a different topic. Now I wasn't watching the time, but that was a long prayer. Next, we...prayed again. Except this was a "confession prayer," and not like one you would first think of as "confession" like in a Catholic church. I really don't know how it was a confession prayer really; I don't remember ever confessing any of my sins while praying. The deacon would say a few lines, and then we would repeat them. Near the end of the prayer the deacon began speaking in tongues... This caught me extremely off guard for I've never heard anyone speak like that before; I didn't know what to think actually. Unfortunately, I'm not well educated in this subject, and of course that was also a factor in my uneasiness. I did do some research on the matter because even though the gift of speaking in tongues is a gift given by the Holy Spirit, I did not feel his presence when the man was speaking in tongues.

***before you read this: please understand that this viewpoint is coming from a believer in Christ, and that I am doing my best to interpret what I saw and understand after researching the topic of "tongues." I do, however, wish that if there is something you don't agree with then you should research the subject yourself. I am no authority in this topic--I am only trying to understand it myself.
When I heard the man speaking in tongues, all I "heard" was simply gibberish. I could not understand him at all, nor did I recognize his speech as any language I've ever heard before. I needed to understand the subject more so I've looked on the internet as well as through my Bible to get a better knowledge on the matter. I found this sight, which gives a lengthy description of "speaking in tongues" for those who do not know what it is; it also pinpoints passages in the Scripture where it talks about moments where someone/some group has spoken in tongues, and it talks about mistakes that have been made that have been described as "speaking in tongues." http://bible.org/article/speaking-tongues But here is what I have learned. First and foremost, to be able to speak in tongues, you must be saved and a believer in Christ. You must be filled with the Holy Spirit, which can only happen if you are saved (Acts 2:4; 2:38). However, not all those who are filled with the Holy Spirit at any moment in time can speak in tongues (1 Corinthians 12:4-10 and 12:27-31 talks about the different gifts from the Holy Spirit and that people receive different ones and that not everyone has the same gift as another believer does). Speaking in tongues is done by a believer, but it is meant as a tool to reach the lost (it is for the unbeliever) (1 Corinthians 14:22). When one speaks in tongues, they are speaking in a foreign language that they do not already know, and anyone who knows what language they are speaking can understand them (Acts 2:1-12). Speaking in tongues is meant to be a miraculous sign to a nonbeliever that proves the validity of God and His power (Acts chapter 2). It is a powerful action, but if used wrong, will glorify only the person speaking it and not the body of believers with him (1 Corinthians 14:1-5). It is not meant to edify one person, and if it does, then it has been used wrong (1 Corinthians 14:4). 1 Corinthians 14:22- "Tongues then, are a sign, not for believers but for unbelievers; prophecy, however, is not for unbelievers but for believers. Those who believe in God do not need another miraculous sign from Him to keep believing in Him, but they need someone to teach them more about God-this is what preachers are here for (1 Corinthians 14:1-5). When someone truly has the "gift of speaking in tongues" then there must also be a person present who has the gift of interpretation (1 Corinthians 14:27-28; 14:13-16; 14:2; 12:4-10). I state all of these facts because many conflicted with what I experienced yesterday. The deacon did not have an interpreter; I could not understand it, and I'm guessing that many others could not. Simply, I felt uneasy about it like the Holy Spirit was telling me that it was not real. His action did not edify the church, but only seemed to make him look "cool" since he could do it. The Bible states that speaking in tongues is meant to reach nonbelievers, and that prophesy is for believers- so why would a church of believers need to hear some one speaking in tongues? I must state again that I am no expert in this matter; it is something entirely new to me besides me reading about it previously in the Bible. But I have received my facts from the Bible, and any verses that came from the aforementioned website have been checked by me. I don't know what true "speaking in tongues" sounds like, but I'm sure what I heard yesterday was not it.

After our sessions of prayer, they brought out their group of "worship leaders"- 5 singers + a leader. Although they had a screen up in the front of the church, no words were displayed on it for the audience to sing from- like most churches have that I have gone to. So I just had to pick up the words after they had repeated them a few times. The people really became involved in the music and the majority of them were raising their hands, swaying, dancing, singing- all with the happiest hearts I had ever seen. You would have almost thought that Jesus himself was in the front of the room. This enthusiasm is something that I see most churches lacking nowadays. (singing)Worship is one of my favorite times during any service: 1) because I love singing 2) what better way to worship God by singing his praises. By singing, you are practically praying to Him (at least that's how I feel). I just feel a special connection when I am worshiping Him in this manner. Next, the pastor's father-in-law, came up and spoke to the congregation about his actions in the Civil Rights Movement all those years ago. I did not think about it when I first entered the church, but the day after (today that is) was Martin Luther King Jr. Day- one of the forerunners, if not the most influential leaders, of the Civil Rights Movement in the mid-20th century. It was very interesting and informing to hear about his experiences. After he spoke, the pastor, the husband of the pastor duo, came up and greeted the church, then let a video run that was a promo for the church itself- "for the visitors here today." Then he showed a quick 2 minutes video of a promo for "Gospel Cribs," a show he wants to start up that shows up that God-loving and fearing men and women can also be wealthy in today's society too. The promo was a quick walk through by him and his wife of their home in town. And by golly, was it huge and definitely gorgeous. However, I just felt weird about that too. I am all for those who have money to give greatly back to the church because it was God first who gave them that large amount of money, but by showing that video, I felt a little pride and flaunting in it... I don't want to be critical at all, but that's how I felt. It's a great idea, but on the other hand- I'm a bit skeptical...

Once the videos were over, the pastor began to preach (only 35-40 minutes of the entire 3 hour service). Sad to say, I couldn't quite pinpoint the main point in his message. He went from topic to topic and from different chapters in the Bible. He was also very lively in his sermon, and was easily able to invigorate the crowd as well (many amens, head nods and repeated phrases came from the crowd). After his sermon, we sang another song. The last part of the service was the "tithing section" I guess you could call it. For those who were tithing (which was pretty much the entire church congregation), they would line up in the middle aisle (which was the only aisle to begin with since there were only two sections of seats in the auditorium). Then they would head up the aisle and set down their tithing envelopes on the altar, returning to their seats afterward. Once everyone was seated, the pastor asked for another giving-nothing was mandatory of course but the past month there had been a "giving deficit" due to Christmas and the holiday season, and the church mortgage of $6,000 needed to be covered. Not as many people lined the aisle for this one, but a good chunk of the congregation gave once more. The pastor started off by giving $250; people after him gave mainly $25 and $50. There were a few who gave anywhere from $60-100. One gave $300, and then one person astounded the crowd when he gave $1,000. Mind you, most people gave as a couple or family unit and only a few were single. $1,000 came from a single person.... Wow. This church definitely has the highest majority of people who tithed in any service I have ever been to. By the end of the second tithe, they had raised $3,500.. Holy crap...or holy goodness (because giving is not crap I should say). [The money was counted in this one because they wanted to see in real time how much they had raised for the mortgage.] The pastor had everyone stand, he prayed, then he asked everyone to sit except visitors. "Oh crap," I thought. There were quite a few visitors...but it's still awkward standing in front of all those people.. The pastor asked us to introduce ourselves and where we were from and why we visited "Destiny Center" that day. I, like everyone else, did just that. Then I was greeted by soooooo many people. Another thing about this church is that I have never felt so welcome in any church, but this one was extremely warm and welcoming. Probably about 20 people came up to me that day, hugged me, and greeted me-both men and women. When I left the service, I was given a CD because I was a visitor, and I left the church after shaking hands and hugging the pastor on the way out.

This church is definitely unlike any other that I've ever been to in many aspects. Obviously alone, a very kind lady in her early 40's I'd say, sat next to me and treated me so nicely all throughout the service and helped explain some things to me. She was very lively, and it was incredibly awesome to have someone treat me so nicely even though I was just a visitor. Another thing that I've never had happen to me before when I go to churches. I'm still trying to come to an overall conclusion about the church itself. I just don't know exactly what to pinpoint I felt like was just not right. The service was something I have never experienced before, but something was just missing where I didn't fully feel a connection to God.....

Learning from others

When people disagree over an issue, sides are taken and other viewpoints are disregarded. People create their specific group and those who believe the same ideas will join that group and then "tag" themselves as just that. Now there are plenty of topics I could discuss from here, but the reason for this entry is to focus on a variety of denominations that have come out of Christianity. In doing this, I do not plan to side with any one denomination nor to offend anyone in making comparisons. What I do wish to do is learn about what different denominations think about certain doctrines or topics in Christianity.

I have been raised in a Baptist church most of my life and so my beliefs on key doctrines from the Bible have been influenced by that denomination. In saying that, I'm not going to compare everything back to "Baptist" but to what I particularly believe in. I do not label myself as Baptist but as a Christian who believes in God as the creator of this universe, his son, Jesus, who gave his life so that mine could be saved from the last death, the infallible truth that is the Bible and the living word of God (its translation I do believe changes over time through different generations) and my eternal life after death in heaven living with God. I am firm in my beliefs, and I do not plan to change those by exploring what others have to say. I am not wearing blinders; I am open to new opinions. I want to learn what others believe. But my basic doctrinal beliefs will not change.

In saying all of this, over the course of this semester I plan on attending a variety of churches in my town. Each week after I have attended another service I will log onto here and write about my experience. I want this to be my journal, and I would like for other people to read my thoughts and to perhaps add their own. Again, I am doing this because I am open to new ideas, and thus, I want to learn those new opinions that are not my own. I want to erase the prejudice boundary in my mind that separates different denominations. By going to these churches, I hope I can learn a little more about myself and what I believe in, plus strengthen my own beliefs in the process.

Making my day

I was told today by a friend that I was their inspiration for planning events. I was caught off guard for a second....well because I was flattered by their statement. It's not like I had helped them make some life changing decision or anything with great importance. But I had inspired them with my actions and enthusiasms for something of which I just loved doing in the first place. Hearing that kind of made my day. Knowing that I had helped someone was pretty awesome to find out. I just hope that I inspire people more often than I hear about. I enjoy seeing people driven to accomplish something; it shows life in them: a hope and a desire for something different, something new.

Life is not simple, and as boring as it might seem at times, it is incredibly complex. To live it, one must have a desire to live it. A passion, a driving force behind them that fuels them. A catalyst like this comes in a numerous amount of forms. I need not name any of those because I am certain that a list lies in every mind. Mine (the basics, but then again, those are always the most important): God, my family and friends.

God My creator. My father. My closest friend. A slew of names that are too endless to list or to translate and explain for a blog like this. I am no theologian, and I cannot explain with perfect clarity the ways of God-- no one can though. But of course that's how it was meant to be. Life has it's many mysteries, and the mind of God is one of them. However, He lets us in on the secret every once in a while. We just have to listen: be willing to listen actually. It is of course our choice whether we heed His word or not. For our betterment, to listen to Him is always the best thing, but even when we don't, He's still there for us... Every Single Time. And knowing that He is there for me every stinkin' time I screw up or actually do do something right is absolutely amazing to me. God inspires my life. Every aspect of it, every crevice and corner that I might not always see. For him, I choose how to live my life, how I choose to treat others, love them, love myself. God's love is supposed to be shown through me (1 John 4:12). I am to love others to prove to them God's love for them. But I must do this will a full and committed heart. I don't do it cus He "told me" too. I do it out of my own desire (again, it's our choice). I want to treat people with love and respect: that's just who I am. And I do not sit on a high horse here; I completely admit that I'm no perfect Christian. I have my faults (many), and there are times that I don't do what I'm telling you right now that I want/love to do. I am saddened that I cannot be my best every single second of the day, but it is in the muck of life where amazing lessons are learned; we just have to remember to keep our eyes open for them. I have felt at times that I am in utter darkness and that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to be done that can help me escape the dark. Not even God... I hang my head in admitting that because I feel terrible for not even relying on God- someone who will never ever leave me. In that moment, nothing can save me, not even the God who created me! This distasteful lie is my moment of weakness in which the next day I can't even believe that I actually felt it. Why would I give up on the one who has never given up on me? Who desires to see me live a happy life. Died- to see me live. And if somebody who died for my life can't inspire at the very least a little spark in my life...well then I have a sad outlook on life in general. But I thank GOD! that my weaknesses are wiped away by Him. And with each passing weakness, I have a little more strength to face life, a little more inspiration to go on. God gave me the ability to inspire and be inspired, but He is main inspiration to me living each and every day.

Each of my family members hold a different and special place in my heart. For although all three of them are supportive of me and how I live, they each support me in their own way. All three of them inspire me in different aspects of my life and at different points in my life. To be a better daughter, a better sister, a better mentor, a better example, a better person. To describe how they have helped me would take pages and pages of words that only could be described as many thank you's. They are my life force back home that I know sends their love and support to me daily as I am off hundreds of miles away making a name for myself and learning about myself. No one and nothing could ever replace a single one of them.

Daily, "tangible" support comes from my friends, both far and near. My every day actions and conversations with them opens up a Pandora's box of lessons, adventures, stories, secrets, fears, happiness, grief, love, wonder, and inspirations. Through them I find myself. I hope that through me, they find themselves. Maybe I inspire them. I hope that I help them. I wish that every single one of my friends will see their potential (which ALL of them possess) in life and will grasp it, tame it, and utilize it. Hopefully, I may have the opportunity to assist them in reaching their potential...even if I'm a little water to their seed of life. I want to invite people to live life with a little more vigor than the day before. Feel hope that ever seems so fleeting. I want them to attain the amazing wonders that each has in store for the future. I want to see them blossom and grow with strength with each passing day. I want to see them achieve. To live...Actually live. Explore. Seek. Inspire. I pray that I inspire them in some shape or form, some time in their life, at least once.

Chewing the bit

Now that I've been given the reigns to this thing, I've been itching to write again. Nerdy. I know. After a long day of packing-driving-unpacking I would much rather just wash up and fall asleep; however, with me typing, those actions are definitely not happening. Instead I'd rather write a few words I've been wanting to say for some time now; now I have an outsource.

This past November in lieu of participating in "No-Shave November" (partly because I am female and cannot grow a beard to begin with), I made up my own "non-action" to act upon for the entire month. No-Make-up November is what I came up with. Not too hard. Give up something. Guys can do the no shave thing. Girls can do the no make-up thing. And so it began.....and is still going on. I've been without make-up now for about 2 & 1/2 months. Most certainly a record for me since beginning to apply the beauty paste back in middle school (sadly, young girls are starting earlier and earlier these days). Now like most women, make-up is on the high end of my priority list of to-do's for the morning routine. Make-up makes you look better. Accentuates your features: be it eyes, cheekbones, complexion. And as society defines it- makes one look pretty. Flawless. But there in lies the problem. "Make-up" is put on to make-up your face, to re-do it, wipe out the imperfections. Because to be beautiful you must be perfect..or at least that's what they tell us. In our striving to achieve that goddess like beauty we lose sight of ourselves I believe. When everything is "easy, breezy, beautiful Covergirl" then everything is perfect right? Then why didn't we come running out of the womb with a beauty mask placed on our faces or the latest powder in our cute, little baby purses? Probably because God was like "She's perfect. Beautiful in my eyes."

Now I'm not here to hate on the creation of make-up and to say that those who wear it are not beautiful women; no, not at all. I began "No-Make-up November" in search of something that I felt I had lost. A journey for me. I do not force my ways or ideas upon others. If you agree with me that's totally cool; if you don't that's totally cool too--you can decide whatever you want to.

I needed to find a simple beauty in myself. Start from the beginning again. I wanted to see myself as "pretty" without the addition of make-up. Before, if I had worn no make-up, I'd say "Ugh, I look dead." or "Oh well, I don't look too bad today; tomorrow I'll just put it on again." Or others statements along those lines; I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to get at. I solely believed that I looked much, much better with make-up. I wanted to prove myself wrong. It was weird at first, but an added plus: my get ready time in the mornings were cut down a considerable amount! That's cool I guess.

Ok. So that "simple beauty" definitely did not come in a day's time..nor a week..nor a month. But the belief did blossom and has continued to grow with time. I've been learning it the past two months. And I still am. Although starting as a lone endeavor, this has been a process where the kind words from many people have kept my confidence going and helped my belief to stay strong. I learned that actually a lot of guys would prefer girls to wear no make-up, as astonishing as that might seem in today's society. And I have received compliments from many of my male friends that I look better (haha really? I thought.) without make-up. That'll work I guess. It's something that I'm still adapting to. I don't know how long I will continue it. I haven't set an end date. I don't know when I'll just pick up an eye-liner pencil again and shape my eyes. I'm not doing this out of protest against make-up and saying that women should be "all-natural;" I'm doing this for me- from beginning to end. I thank those who have helped me realize my beauty along the way though. It's always nice to have friends rooting you along in your endeavors.

Winding down, in my journey of finding a simple beauty in myself, I have also re-naturalized my hair color. After coloring it for the past couple of years, I've decided to finally give the hair time to rest. It needs to breathe and stay away from chemicals for a while. So I'm a full brunette again, lacking make-up, taking a relaxed view on life, and discovering her simple beauty day-by-day. I hope by taking on this process that I can help other women find their beauty- one that remains inked on their hearts forever. ♥

To begin

So with the new year beginning (or already 8 days into the making) I thought that I should start something new. Express myself a little more. Blog about something, nothing, anything. And in light of the festivities that surround this year, I guess we can tag this a sort of "new year's resolution." Although, I don't see why everyone puts so much emphasis on making resolutions at the new years, when they can simply wake up one fine day in mid-May and declare that they want to start anew, refresh themselves. Do we need a new calendar to remind ourselves that everyday is new? We could start the next second or start the next month and make a change that will affect our life forever.

Well playing the role of the hypocrite this evening shall be me, and here is my new year's resolution.