"The city keeps on going. We just keep on rolling..."
Another year of college has come to a close for me. 3 years now. 2 more to go. As much as this past year has been stressful, painful, hard, or fast-paced, I'm sad to see what was good about it go. Probably the busiest year of college as of yet, I couldn't wait for it to be over with. And now watching it in my rear view mirror fade faster as everyone leaves, I don't want to see its end. These chapters of my book just flip one to the next with no regard for my hands holding onto the pages, a grasp that slips with each day. I want to rip them out, place them in this enshrined scrapbook that would be placed under lock and key; tackle the writer, which ironically would be me, pause their life and just hold onto what was. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to what the future has in store, but just like any normal read, my mood transitions to melancholy as I near each chapter. Cus once it's read, it's read. You turn the page and you read a new line. Start a new job. Meet new people. See new things. Learn new ideas. The old reverberates within the closed space of your mind, fighting for the area that will soon be occupied by that which is new. And I don't want to let go. I want to hoard. I just want the old life, and I selfishly desire the new. I'm helpless though, when it comes to the matter of time.
That which is God's I can't hope to attain. I give it to Him though; I want Him to watch over my time. He knows the amazing that is my future. I just wish to know it too. To know that past is coming with me and that it will tie into a beautiful bow with the new. Problem is, I don't, and I have to be ok with that. I trust Him. My time is His. And hear I am giving it to Him.
People are leaving. Some I won't see again. Others, come August, I'll see their wonderful faces once more. It's no matter though, for the parting now is hard to bear. Some are leaving the country, others to another state. Some are about to graduate, and still others will be back for another go around. Regardless of where they are going, I'm going to miss them for the time, no matter how small or big, that I shared with them. I strongly believe that our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch, and here that statement comes into play. I hope my influence has been positive in the lives of others, and I cherish the imprint that has been left on me by them. Just one more thing I don't wish to let go. Tack the pretty pictures on the wall to stare at once more and drown myself in the memories that threaten to consume me. Parting makes me sad. Nostalgic. Regretful. Hopeful. Loving.
Thinking on how people have affected me and what I have gone through this year just makes me look at this grand expanse that is my future life. All the point A's and B's I've experienced these past few years at college won't stop coming. I'm gonna graduate, and they'll keep happening. Happening till I die. And it causes this massive, chaotic feeling of excitement and fear inside me. A whirlwind of great proportions that expands the length of my life. Here I am looking at it from behind the dash, hands on the wheel, accelerating toward the unknown. And I want it. But I want the past too...
Binary oppositions present constant struggles, and life goes round and round.
Another day ends with the sun setting into the future, and we just keep on rolling...
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